Zack: I knew Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon was over the top, but this is out of control.
Steve: The military would be so much more badass if they dual wielded guns and carried around miniguns.
Steve: And had missions like: "Take out the dragon" and "Waste a bunch of skeletons" and "Drop a nuke into a volcano where an ancient god is going to be born."
Zack: We'll be lucky if ten years from now the military leaves the inside of a trailer and has missions that aren't "watch this US citizen have sex on a thermal camera" and "shoot a laser into a foreign child."
Steve: Yeah, I know, the military is a bummer now. Nobody jumps out of helicopters yelling and shooting anymore.
Zack: That's because our enemies are college kids reading PDF magazines and making bombs out of fireworks. If we had some dragons to fight things might be different.
Steve: You hear that, Al Qaeda? Get on it.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.