Zack: I knew Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon was over the top, but this is out of control.
Steve: The military would be so much more badass if they dual wielded guns and carried around miniguns.
Steve: And had missions like: "Take out the dragon" and "Waste a bunch of skeletons" and "Drop a nuke into a volcano where an ancient god is going to be born."
Zack: We'll be lucky if ten years from now the military leaves the inside of a trailer and has missions that aren't "watch this US citizen have sex on a thermal camera" and "shoot a laser into a foreign child."
Steve: Yeah, I know, the military is a bummer now. Nobody jumps out of helicopters yelling and shooting anymore.
Zack: That's because our enemies are college kids reading PDF magazines and making bombs out of fireworks. If we had some dragons to fight things might be different.
Steve: You hear that, Al Qaeda? Get on it.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.