~WINNER OF NOTHING~
By Sexy Danger Trouble
Random Oni Table Rolls
82- Bird; barrel chested, broad upper body, narrow lower abdomen,
short thick neck.
86- Neanderthal-like with a basic but larger, thicker human skull,
thick eyebrow ridges and square chin, +1 horror factor.
43- Large, wide, flat nose like that of an ape, two times larger than a
73- Normal human eyes.
12- Human mouth and crooked teeth. 1D4 M.D. from bite.
72- Squirrel or rat-like in shape and length, short and spindly with
small articulated hands and fingers. 1D4 M.D.
81- Animal-like; hover or like bear. 6D6 speed attribute.
25- Pair of large horns. 2D6 M.D. from head butts.
45- Light Green
Description: Large, awkward and hairy, Seth was formed when an internet troll was accidentally pulled through the Rifts. As he moved through space and time, his body was transformed into a hideous, yet accurate mockery of himself. He was eventually dumped into the depths of hell, where he completed his transformation into a somewhat fearsome demon. Alone, stranded in another world, Seth found his demonic rest in the darkest regions of a great cavern.
With his tiny arms, he poses little threat in hand to hand combat, but his horns can be deadly if you find yourself caught by a surprise headbutt. Seth is only known to be dangerous to unsuspecting underage girls who wander too close to his cavern, and can be banished with deodorant.The Verdict
Steve: Aw man, dang, this one is just so much fun.
Zack: Technically maybe not near the top, but it definitely captures a certain something. Namely busty babes fighting a giant in a cave.
Steve: Heck yeah. This dude went all out. Look at those lips. You can almost imagine the sensual campfire nights with this party.
Zack: It takes a woman to really understand how to rescue a woman from a cave troll pit.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.