~WINNER OF NOTHING~
By Sexy Danger Trouble
Random Oni Table Rolls
82- Bird; barrel chested, broad upper body, narrow lower abdomen,
short thick neck.
86- Neanderthal-like with a basic but larger, thicker human skull,
thick eyebrow ridges and square chin, +1 horror factor.
43- Large, wide, flat nose like that of an ape, two times larger than a
73- Normal human eyes.
12- Human mouth and crooked teeth. 1D4 M.D. from bite.
72- Squirrel or rat-like in shape and length, short and spindly with
small articulated hands and fingers. 1D4 M.D.
81- Animal-like; hover or like bear. 6D6 speed attribute.
25- Pair of large horns. 2D6 M.D. from head butts.
45- Light Green
Description: Large, awkward and hairy, Seth was formed when an internet troll was accidentally pulled through the Rifts. As he moved through space and time, his body was transformed into a hideous, yet accurate mockery of himself. He was eventually dumped into the depths of hell, where he completed his transformation into a somewhat fearsome demon. Alone, stranded in another world, Seth found his demonic rest in the darkest regions of a great cavern.
With his tiny arms, he poses little threat in hand to hand combat, but his horns can be deadly if you find yourself caught by a surprise headbutt. Seth is only known to be dangerous to unsuspecting underage girls who wander too close to his cavern, and can be banished with deodorant.The Verdict
Steve: Aw man, dang, this one is just so much fun.
Zack: Technically maybe not near the top, but it definitely captures a certain something. Namely busty babes fighting a giant in a cave.
Steve: Heck yeah. This dude went all out. Look at those lips. You can almost imagine the sensual campfire nights with this party.
Zack: It takes a woman to really understand how to rescue a woman from a cave troll pit.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.