From: Mihail Tsibelman
I read you interwiew and i only think i can say what yuo ilitered whining bastard.
thank yuo for teh vary constructive critisism SIR, but I couldant help but noticed yuo haev slight speling erors in yuor emale too me. FOR EXAMPLE, yuo spelled yuor name wrong, here's how its suposed too be spelled: "SHITFACE CHUCKWAGON". yuo can copy and paste that to yuor vary high quality Mircrosoft emale program if you want, smarty man. EVAR here teh saying "dont throw stones if yuo buy a glass house?!?" YOU OWN THIS HOUSE I MENTIONED SIR, AND YUOR THROWING STONES THAT ARE LAREGER THAN THE VARY LARGE BOULDARS PAUL STEEVE BENCHPRESSES EVARY MORNEING. if paul steeve faught jason Hall, yuo know who would win? NOBODY becuase violence si not teh answar!!!!
TALKING CLIFFY BLEZSINNKI SAYS:
"OH MIHAIL, YUO MUST BE MY LONG LOST BROTHAR SINCE YUO ARE SO VARY SMARTY LIKE ME SIR. COME, LET US DESIGN UNREALE 2: NALI HEALEING FRUIT BONANZA. YUO CAN DRAW TEH MAPS AND I WILL TEACHED YUO HOW TOO MAKE MAPS WITH MANEY SQUARE ROOMS i will put teh big bowl of health on top of a pillar to DAHHHHH"
From: Lesley Katzen
Subject: A question...
Dear Jeff K.,
I decided to finally stop obsessing over your picture in the corner of your web page and write to you to "ask Jeff K." something. Jeff, are you single? I think it's the combination of your sporadically creative mind and that sandy long California look hair that keeps you constantly on my mind.
I know that my efforts for your courtship cannot be thwarted easily, because you look like a great catch and if those people in the gaming industry really make as much as they say they do in "Wired" I'd take you home to my mother tomorrow.
Great minds have always been an incredible turn on to me, and I have no problem standing by someone who is destined to travel the long hard road to greatness (especially if he is hot).
So Jeff is there a special someone in your life? If not could I join the list of possibilities.
Very patiently (and I can be very patient!) awaiting your reply,
yes, i currantly am a single. BUT BUT BUT - - - things are going too change VARY soon! WHY? becuase I haev found a vary beutiful girl and I want to have her babies with her (I DONT KNOW HOW THEY ARE MADE BUT WILL LOOK IT UP LATER) SO WHO IS THIS HOTIE GIRL? ILL GIVE YUO A HINT:
1) her brothar is a famous mapmaeker who makes vary good maps for a vary good gaem (UNLIKE A CERTAINE GAME I WILL NOT MENTION HEAR).
2) she is from Canadia. and lives ther.
3) SHE IS A VARY PRITTY GIRL TO
give up? IT SI CHRISTIAN ANT-COW'S SsISTAR! here si a pictare of me and her at some place
I wants to date her and we will marry (YUO WILL SEE!). i haev always saids that Crispan Antcows maps were teh vary best qualiety maps and his sistar is vary fetching (she si HOT). MISS CRISPAN ANTCOW, WILL YUO PLEAS DATE ME AT E3??? I WILL GO THERE BUT I CANT GET IN BECUASE I AM TO YOUNG BUT I WILL HANG OUT OUTSIDE AND TRY TO GET FREE VIDEO CARDS FROM 3DFX SO MEET ME THERE PLEAS OKEY>>?> i am vary smart and senisitve too a women's felings, so yuo wil love me I KNOW IT. PLEAS WRITE ME AT JEFFK@SOMETHINGAWFUL.COM and arange too meet me pleas pleas!@
TALKING CLIFFY BLIZSISANKI SAYS:
"I ONCE DATED A WOMAN#
OKAY, I LIED, SORREY!!! DAHH"
SHUT UP CLIFFY OR ITS BACK TO TEH DUNGON FOR YUO!
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.