From: Mik Schultzy
Subject: idiot..

Hallo Jeff,

What the hell is your problem kid? You sat there and made fun of CliffyB as-if you were better than him? That's bullshit... Do us all a favor and leave the gamming world to those who know what they are doing...

Oh thank yuo for contributing yuor opinons, smarty man. HMMMM, lets take a quick count: Numbar of articals I have writtan on video games: 46. Numbar yuo haev writtan: 0. I think that maeks me know whats I am doing! I knows about 3DFX and AMED and Intell, and John Carmake and that guy who maed the thing that was popular, yuo know that thing, teh software programe. but Maybe when yuo get a job with a GOOD MAGAZINE like INSCITE MAGAZINE (they are teh best magazine becuase there are naked girls on their and they SHOW LAURA CROFTS BOOBS A LOT AND SHE SI HOT and incite has Goldaneye 63 tips too). BUT right now yuor are just a fagot with a hotmale account so shove mutton into yuor fat mouth and jump into a ocean.

TALKING CLIFFY BLEZZSINKSI SAYS:

"WHAT IS TEH 'GAMMING' WORLD ANYWAY? HUH? IS IT LIEK BLACKGAMMON?"


From: Jim
Subject: Interview with you

Hey, I'm the webmaster of http://nonsocial.org , a growing website (actual layout and graphics coming soon, there will be a whole section dedicated to gaming), and I was wondering if you'd be interested in being interviewed by me for the site. I love your site, you're fuckin hilarious. I'd rather wait till we have some actual layout before putting in exclusive features such as an interview with you. And after the interview, you could possibly link to it from your site. What do you say? Please respond when you have the chance. Thanks.

NO

From: Patrick Hargis
Subject: www.TheMushroom.com

Hey man, we'd like to do an interview with you. It'll be easy, we'll just send you some questions and you'll email us back your answers, not a big hassle. This email's just asking if you'd be cool with that. TheMushroom's pretty popular in the video game field... Maybe if in the interview you brag on yourself enough, some id guy will read it and thing, "Hmm, this JeffK guy is exactly what we need here at id. I must hire him right away!" But yeah, we want to interview you. So let us. It'll be cool. We'll link to your site. You'll get fans. We promise.

SHUT UP

FUNNY MOMENT THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME OF THE WEEK:

Well, as yuo are probaly aware, i was at my grandma's house. And she has a computar downastairs, but its a Packard Bell 33 SEX with ram, so I wanted too play Quaek 3 on it, but Quaek3 said it needed all this computar stuff like more RAM and a video card and shit. BUT I was liek, "WFT?!?!? I HAVE A VIDEO CARD, I AM LOOKING AT TEH SCREEN RIGHT NOW and I needed more RAM so I installed RAMDOUBLAR and upgraded teh sound card by turning up the volume loudar. BUT it still didant run so I went to grandma and saids "GRANDMA, yuo need to buy a new computar" but she dosent hear too good so I yelled again and I thought she was dead but she wasnt. then I went outside and saw Jerry hanging around so I threw a pinecone at his head and ran away. then I went back to grandma's house adn grandma wasnt sitting in her chair so I thoughts she died or shrank liek with teh shrinkor gun in Duke 3D, but she was in teh bathroom. then teh radio broke and i saw a lobstar.

TALKING CLIFFY BLISZINSKI SAYS:

"OH NO JEFF, LOBSTARS ARE VARY SCAREY!!!"

SHUT UP CLIFFY or yuo go back to teh dungon!!!

SEND ME MORE EMALE AND I WILL WRITE ABOUT YUO IN MY COLUMN NEXT WEEK AND WRITE BETTAR QUESTIONS bceayse some of them were frankely dumb. and if yuo send me meane emales, i will put yuor adress in the lettar like the ppl above so everybody knows yuo = fagot.

thx

bye

- JEFF K>

– Jeff K.

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.