|You've got a message! (3 of 5)|
Bad news, Adverse Interests, LLC. Your Nion, Becks and Cyn, has died in the field. Please review the asset profile and make the arrangements that apply.
"Unstoppable, the raw force of the sun or a black hole unleashed on your foes, but are they really worth it? Christ, just fucking blow my brains out already. I can still hear them laughing about something from Big Brother."
"I would rather gobble thousand degree boulders of pumice out of a dead horse pussy than hire these two wastes of tits and ass ever again. If I see them on the sidewalk I will swerve to drive over the stinking, snaggly jizz pits they call heads."
|Becks and Cynthia|
AKA: Rebecca Horsely and Cynthia Mallowcup, Those Two Skanks, The Drunk Girls, The Party Girls
Customer Score: 60% (rate)
Availability: Currently Unavailable!
Capabilities: Being sooo unbelievably drunk, No, seriously Becks, I think I am gonna pass out, kissing each other, getting mad at each other, fighting with each other, crying about high school with each other, texting, shagging the same bloke that gave the other one a VD and then posting about it on facebook, annihilating all enemies.
Equipment: Tiny purses, gum, mobiles, about two quid and one condom between them, completely inappropriate kit for a combat mission.
Special Training/Notes: Both girls were created by Project Omega as the vessels of the infinite negator, as such they can release an incalculable force of destruction whenever they choose. The difficulty is convincing them to do so.
|Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:|
Had too many cranberry vodkas at Trio and disappeared from the mission to "go find some blokes." Turned up later both dead from carbon monoxide poisoning. According to the police they passed out in the garage with their car running and died from (more)
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
Once again I'm stuck with a useless egg man statue and nobody to tend to my robust physical and emotional needs. Worst of all, the egg man didn't even come with a stool. I have to share my recliner and bed with him, and he is not sensitive to my needs at all.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.