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Bad news, Adverse Interests, LLC. Your Nion, Becks and Cyn, has died in the field. Please review the asset profile and make the arrangements that apply.


Customer Comments:

"Unstoppable, the raw force of the sun or a black hole unleashed on your foes, but are they really worth it? Christ, just fucking blow my brains out already. I can still hear them laughing about something from Big Brother."
- Matt Sookum, undercommander (Demise Broadcasting Corportation)

"I would rather gobble thousand degree boulders of pumice out of a dead horse pussy than hire these two wastes of tits and ass ever again. If I see them on the sidewalk I will swerve to drive over the stinking, snaggly jizz pits they call heads."
- Master Misogyny, high lord (Phallocentric Patriarchy Eternal)

Becks and Cynthia

AKA: Rebecca Horsely and Cynthia Mallowcup, Those Two Skanks, The Drunk Girls, The Party Girls

Customer Score: 60% (rate)

Availability: Currently Unavailable!

Capabilities: Being sooo unbelievably drunk, No, seriously Becks, I think I am gonna pass out, kissing each other, getting mad at each other, fighting with each other, crying about high school with each other, texting, shagging the same bloke that gave the other one a VD and then posting about it on facebook, annihilating all enemies.

Equipment: Tiny purses, gum, mobiles, about two quid and one condom between them, completely inappropriate kit for a combat mission.

Special Training/Notes: Both girls were created by Project Omega as the vessels of the infinite negator, as such they can release an incalculable force of destruction whenever they choose. The difficulty is convincing them to do so.

Asset Liquidation Clause: In the event of asset liquidation in the field, a payment totaling $8,000 is to be paid to Simon Cowell c/o The Cowell Institute of Diabolical Youth Research.


Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:

Had too many cranberry vodkas at Trio and disappeared from the mission to "go find some blokes." Turned up later both dead from carbon monoxide poisoning. According to the police they passed out in the garage with their car running and died from (more)

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