Henchman Status Updates: Operation Imaginary Peninsula

Thursday, Jan 15, 2009 by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

Welcome back, Adverse Interests, LLC. you are now logged in. Thank you for choosing FIST for your staffing needs. We hope OPERATION IMAGINARY PENINSULA went well!

You have 4 Henchman Status Updates awaiting your immediate attention.

Your credit with us is good.

Henchman Status Update (1 of 4)

The status of Panther Hands has been changed from ACTIVE to DECEASED.

Name: Qouto, Alotl (DECEASED)
Codename(s): Panther Hands, Cheetah Fingers, Puma Knuckles
Join Date: 2-17-00
Primary Role: Mysterious Native
Secondary Role: Basket weaving, dream catching, blow darting.
Specialties: Crack shot with the Assad Headhunter Mk. IX Blowgun, experienced in obsidian spear fighting and jungle stalking, rated Temple Ruins Lurker (Mesoamerican) of 2006 by Deadly Encounters Magazine.

Availability: On Hire (hire)
Contracted To: Adverse Interests, LLC.
Term of Hire: 30 days or d/c/f

DEATH PAYOUT: 5,000 USD to the Cargo Cult of Choolee Island (extended family).

Average Customer Rating: (rate)

Customer Review:
NOT LAIR-READY

Reviewed by Andy the Merciless
I made the mistake of hiring Panther Hands to match the decor of my latest lair. Like all Choolee hires he barely speaks English, has those creepy needle teeth, and he will eat exotic animals you import. He ate all my peacocks and my universal soldiers had to drag him away from my liger before he shot it with a dart. HE IS NOt AN ACT. I gave the guy bunk space in my lair and quickly realized he is not playing around. He shredded the toilet paper in the bathroom, burned the towels, and bit the cafeteria staff. There was Choolee scat everywhere in the (more)

Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:

Ordered to stalk T.E.A.M. agent posing as hapless tourist near the tiki lounge. While preparing blow dart for launch Panther Hands was neutralized by face pistolization by T.E.A.M. agent. This triggered the Choolee Final Strike, unleashing Panther Hands' ghost from his heart gem and killing the T.E.A.M. operative responsible for his death. (more)