Welcome back, Adverse Interests, LLC. you are now logged in. Thank you for choosing FIST for your staffing needs. We hope OPERATION IMAGINARY PENINSULA went well!
You have 4 Henchman Status Updates awaiting your immediate attention.
Your credit with us is good.
| Henchman Status Update (1 of 4) |
| The status of Panther Hands has been changed from ACTIVE to DECEASED. | |
 | Name: Qouto, Alotl (DECEASED) Codename(s): Panther Hands, Cheetah Fingers, Puma Knuckles Join Date: 2-17-00 Primary Role: Mysterious Native Secondary Role: Basket weaving, dream catching, blow darting. Specialties: Crack shot with the Assad Headhunter Mk. IX Blowgun, experienced in obsidian spear fighting and jungle stalking, rated Temple Ruins Lurker (Mesoamerican) of 2006 by Deadly Encounters Magazine. Availability: On Hire (hire) Average Customer Rating: |
| Circumstance of Contract Liquidation: Ordered to stalk T.E.A.M. agent posing as hapless tourist near the tiki lounge. While preparing blow dart for launch Panther Hands was neutralized by face pistolization by T.E.A.M. agent. This triggered the Choolee Final Strike, unleashing Panther Hands' ghost from his heart gem and killing the T.E.A.M. operative responsible for his death. (more) | |
This Week on Something Awful...
The Many Powers of the 100% Brain
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
This Update Is Exclusively for Cool People
This is where the excerpt from an article usually goes. Since the content of this update is only intended for cool people, I refuse to place a single word in the path of blundering normal people.
Owls with Human Legs!
Finally, the SA Goons find a worthy spiritual successor to 'Birds with Human Hands'!
VIDEO GAME TV
Audio from television shows about video games, mixed and mashed and then set to animation
About This Column
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.
Previous Articles
- Henchman Status Updates: Operation Macy's
- Blackbird: The World's First African American Browser
- TV Threshold: Two Extremes
- Rick Sanchez's News Poetry Jam
- Reading Time: 'Fantastic Four in the House of Horrors'
Suggested Articles
What's Hot
Popular Threads
I thought I could get maybe 20-30 apps suspended without repercussions.
hypothetical movies/roles that famous actors turned down
Bob's Fords - Found On Road, Thread
Smoking weed in inappropriate situations w/ comebacks
Working in IT 3.0: This is affecting production
PYF Dark Enlightenment Thinker
motion to deny Sally field's skeleton from being drafted into the skeleton
Girl Problems, Mixed Episodes, and Trouble with the System