|Henchman Status Update (3 of 4)|
|The status of FELL ROVER has been changed from ACTIVE to DESTROYED.|
|Name: RVR-270C (DESTROYED)|
Codename(s): FELL ROVER
Join Date: 9-9-86
Primary Role: Roving
Secondary Role: Chopping, drilling, crushing, flash-freezing, sampling, torturing
Specialties: Can detect motion, swears constantly, never afraid to initiate a staring contest, equipped with a gripping hand at ball-height, optional boombox and tape of "World Destruction."
Availability: On Hire (hire)
Average Customer Rating: (rate)
|Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:|
While patrolling the perimeter of the Imaginary Escapes Resort, FELL ROVER detected non-evil movement and sought to investigate. Arriving at the scene FELL ROVER found an abandoned zodiac boat and several SCUBA sets. Relying on his innate ability to track good, FELL ROVER located a six man UNFORCE commando team and a T.E.A.M. agent. Using a mixture of drills and lurching wheelies, FELL ROVER killed all six commandos. He cornered the T.E.A.M. agent and was about to drill through his core when the agent asked FELL ROVER if it was possible to "love hatred." This caused a logic core overflow and (more)
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.