E3 wrapped up just like it started: with a loud bang and a lot of cheap models dressed like cheaper hookers. A good time was had by all, but I'm really thankful we have a year to recuperate between conventions. It was tiring, exhausting, and... uh, some other synonym for "tiring". We saw a lot of great looking games like "Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2", "Clive Barker's Undying", "Black and White", and "Red Faction". I also experienced some awful games like "Wacky Racers", "Teletubbies", "Pikachu: I Exercise Mind Control Over You!", and everything involving the Japanese and dancing. Of course I didn't really feel a strong presence of Something Awful this year, but I can only assume this will be remedied next year, when we have our own booth dedicated to "having sex with prostitutes." It's the next logical step for a convention like this.
Even middle aged men love dancing games!
Pamela Lee stars in something very, very awful.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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