Bend them like Beckham! Get it? Because some doctor has bent Victoria like her bawdy beau Brian Beckham into a pretzel of pulchritude sure to please every greasy go-getter from here to Honolulu. Men are lining up at the red carpet with their wrecking muscles out, ready to swoop and goop on those troops. Some of them can't even wrench tent, they're too busy crying. Little baby tears of a satisfied man, pleasured by Victoria's giant hooter extravaganza. This is truly one to put a score up on the board when strangers run up and try to have babies with her chest. Will it get pregnant? Double pregnant? You can certainly tell she wants it from dresses like this.
This Week on Something Awful...
Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
Pet Disasters!
Pictures of cute animals are taking the Internet by storm! (It's a very destructive storm.)
Convincing People to Buy Mediocre Games, PAINTBALL MAX'D
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Super Bowl Ready TV Sports Graphics!
*Galaxies and stars explode, revealing the Sports Center logo as the center of the new universe.*
About This Column
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.
Previous Articles
- The 2009 Flour and Grain Expo Commercial!
- Tim Schafer Talks Brutal Legend
- A Week in the Life of The Sims 3
- Exclusive: Screen Shots from the Final Build of Duke Nukem Forever
- The First 100 Days of President Dick Cheney
