Bend them like Beckham! Get it? Because some doctor has bent Victoria like her bawdy beau Brian Beckham into a pretzel of pulchritude sure to please every greasy go-getter from here to Honolulu. Men are lining up at the red carpet with their wrecking muscles out, ready to swoop and goop on those troops. Some of them can't even wrench tent, they're too busy crying. Little baby tears of a satisfied man, pleasured by Victoria's giant hooter extravaganza. This is truly one to put a score up on the board when strangers run up and try to have babies with her chest. Will it get pregnant? Double pregnant? You can certainly tell she wants it from dresses like this.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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