You hear that sound? That crashing sound? That's cars wrecking from men seeing Halle Berry's cleavage. Men are dying and wrecking into things. Their families are screaming, "look out! Jesus! Tom, stop!" and those men don't care. They drive to their deaths. They're stumbling out of broken cars, ignoring their injured children, stepping over their dead aunt, fixated on those precious pepper jacks. One look is all it took to hook them on these grandiose grabbers. Get two hearty handfuls and go to your grave. How many teeth will you swallow? How many gallons of blood? I am shitting and pissing myself and I don't care. I forgot about everything else. This is what we men do. Nothing wrong with it.
The CEO of Lobstero, makers of the expensive home Lobster System, responds to recent unfavorable headlines about hand-squeezing a lobster out of one of the company's Lobster Packs.
Should you call someone a Nazi? The answer will surprise you.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.