Moof: want to join the coastguard with me
Livestock: moof i wouldn't join the circus with you
Livestock: because we are both too stoic
Livestock: but i would join the coastguard
Livestock: you take the east coast i will take the west
Moof: thank you!!
Moof: ok got it
Livestock: how is your coast holding up
Moof: going good except maybe some terrorists got some bombs through (nuclear)
Livestock: moof i don't like that kind of chatter
Moof: livestock my coast is really big
Moof: bigger than yours
Moof: thanks to florida
Moof: i need some help
Livestock: moof i am working hard on my coast give me a break
Moof: yeah your little tiny coast
Moof: you could guard that coast with a spoon
Livestock: moof my coast includes alaska
Livestock: and hawaii
Moof: guarding your coast is like guarding a jamba juice
Livestock: you call your coast a coast? moof where i come from we call that a shore
Livestock: at best
Livestock: more like a tiny little stream
Livestock: it is more like a creek dividing america from europa and africa
Moof: my coast is as big as two of your coasts
Moof: where i come from we call the west coast the west joke
Moof: it is a big joke to the entire coast community
Livestock: i think you have been drinking too much saltwater friend
Livestock: perhaps the long days of staring at nothing have taken their toll on your brain
Livestock: the pacific coast is legendary for its size and danger
Livestock: it is like a minefield that takes up half the planet
Livestock: anywhere you step could signal the end
Livestock: an octopus might grab you, a whale might eat you, a wave might slam into your face
Moof: well the atlantic coast is actually literally a minefield
Moof: and not just mines too there are submarines
Moof: and monsters
Livestock: moof you are a child and your stories are childish
Livestock: all you can do is construct a strawman argument against the west coast, but you know what moof the west coast is famous for its red herrings, and you just caught a bunch in one of your nets
Livestock: so foolish and simple you are
Moof: listen it is just that what upsets me the most is when you boast about your coast when really your coast
Moof: is just a ghost
Moof: of my coast
Moof: your coast is toast
Moof: at most
Livestock: moof if you turn the page of your rhyming dictionary to the "m" section
Livestock: and look at "moof"
Livestock: it will say moof rhymes with goof
Livestock: you are a goof
Livestock: and that is all i will say on the matter
Moof: actually it says: moof - has the best coast
Livestock: moof do you even know what a rhyming dictionary is
Livestock: you are like an idiot
Moof: do you even know what a shutup is
Livestock: ad hominem attacks now i see
Livestock: clearly the work of an inferior coastsman!!!!
Moof: stupid idiot attacks now i see
Moof: you are more like a stupidman
Livestock: may barnacles consume your face for all time!!!!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Moof and Livestock discuss life, love, human nature, and all the most important issues affecting humanity.