This article is part of the Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk series.
*** 07-03-2305 - New Entry
LOGMAN wishes to apologize to Resident #012 for giving him the false impression of disappointment. LOGMAN understands that Specimen #11598-A's escape was an anomaly, and no way reflective of Resident #012's capabilities as a brilliant, handsome scientist.
Chief Security Officer Hendren reports no progress in the hunt for Specimen #11598-A. DynaMars Corporation asks that all residents remain vigilant.
As anticipated, the new drinking fountains installed by Chief Engineer Paskiewicz are now online. Please drink from them at your earliest convenience.
*** 07-04-2305 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation wishes to apologize to the seven crew members horribly burned in the freak explosion that tore through Sector B Explosive Barrel Storage. As hypothesized, bullets do indeed travel directly through Specimen #11598-A.
LOGMAN wishes to congratulate Resident #012 on the growth of a particularly fascinating facial hair formation. LOGMAN applauds Resident #012's creativity and masculine sensibilities. Please congratulate Resident #012 at your earliest convenience.
*** 07-05-2305 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation offers its condolences to the friends and family of Resident #011, who died in a freak baconization accident. It appears physical contact with Specimen #11598-A causes instant epidermal baconization. Resident #011 died within seconds, and did not suffer. His transfer to DynaMars Europa Dig Site #82 has been canceled as a result.
DynaMars Corporation and LOGMAN are recommending all residents avoid physical contact with Specimen #11598-A.
LOGMAN would like to remind Resident #013 that facial hair is strictly prohibited.
*** 07-06-2305 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation is inviting all Cycnus Station residents to attend a special memorial service for Resident #011 / "Get Well Soon" party for the seven crewmembers severely burned in the recent explosive barrel incident. This event will take place tomorrow at 1300 hours in the Sector D Rec Room.
LOGMAN wishes to congratulate Resident #012 on his exemplary hygienic routine. While some residents, such as Resident #013, take long showers with minimal scrubbing, Resident #012 takes quick, efficient showers filled with vigorous scrubbing of the hair, armpits, anal region, and genitals. LOGMAN is very pleased by this commitment to excellence.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
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