Porn Star and Tiger Woods fling Joslyn James has exacted her revenge on the shamed golfer by releasing a series of lurid text messages sent to her phone during the course of their relationship. These messages will no doubt provide fodder for the talking heads in coming days, but we are pleased to scoop them all. Thanks to my sources in the industry I have convinced Ms. James to release her half of the texting conversation exclusively to Something Awful.

These texts are absolutely authentic and absolutely filthy. We have decided not to censor anything.


July 30th, 2009


 
 Tiger: Sent: 05:46 PM 07/30/2009:
Heading back from the course now.
 
 




Joslyn: Sent: 05:48 PM 07/30/2009:
congratulations on win golf fucker



 
 Tiger:Sent: 05:52 PM 07/30/2009:
How close are you
 
 




Joslyn: Sent: 05:55 PM 07/30/2009:
mile marker 84



 
 Tiger:Sent: 06:01 PM 07/30/2009:
I will leave an envelope at the front desk under ms daniels. Your room will be 305. Get settled and let me know when you are ready to see me. I will be i
 
 


 
 Tiger:Sent: 06:01 PM 07/30/2009:
n room 201. You can come down the stair well next to your room. Make sure absolutely no one sees you
 
 




Joslyn: Sent: 06:04 PM 07/30/2009:
Oof, hang on, the whole ride over ive been pinching in a pringle sleeve of dook. Gonna need to squat in the tub and work this one out with the ha





Joslyn: Sent: 06:04 PM 07/30/2009:
ndle of the toilet brush.



 
 Tiger:Sent: 06:17 PM 07/30/2009:
Just so you know i have to get up at 415 tomorrow.
 
 




Joslyn: Sent: 06:52 PM 07/30/2009:
Alright, jeez. Looks like Woodstock '94 in the bathroom. Give me a few minutes to wipe myself down and comb some of this out of my hair.



 
 Tiger:Sent: 07:30 PM 07/30/2009:
Just let me know when you are headed down
 
 




Joslyn: Sent: 07:39 PM 07/30/2009:
On my way down baby. Dang my junk is barkin' for a bone.



 
 Tiger:Sent: 09:46 PM 07/30/2009:
What time is car picking you up tomorrow
 
 




Joslyn: Sent: 09:47 PM 07/30/2009:
I told them to come late so I can get some of the clods out of my bung hair. Did you know you get two conditioner bottles here?


More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.