THE PAGE OF SHAME

Well, hello there! You've made it this far, haven't you? I'm afraid this quaint little rainbow journey has no pot of gold at the end, save for the one that the leprechaun took a crap in. Here are the worst images submitted for our Turtle Power theme! Enjoy.

conner_bw suffers from the spirited imagination of an 6-year-old, and also the lack of talent. While we can appreciate the idea of a fire surfing ninja turtle with a light saber, we can't appreciate shoddy workmanship. Mocking the escalating stupidity of the Star Wars prequels isn't hard, and can be done by just about anyone. However, when your attempt at computer graphics looks worse than whatever George Lucas dreams up, you've got problems. Furthermore, this all just seems natural, because I can't imagine George Lucas not falling in love with the idea of having a wisecracking turtle in his movies. A ninja turtle is no Jar-Jar or Howard the Duck, but it's close enough to his unique vision of fantasy. Good job not trying conner_bw, I hope you get your shoe caught in some train tracks and then get run over by a train. At the very least I hope you lose your shoe. And I hope it's an expensive shoe.

dot_matrix is a fairly regular contributor who usually manages to churn out a decent image, but it's obvious he walks the fine line between quality and crap. This week he seriously lost his balance and landed in a pile of shit. Somehow, he completely missed the fact that this image just screams of problems. With blocky cutting and pasting, poor color blending, and various other problems, I can't help but think he either made this while drunk, or has the vision and focus of a freshly battered wife. If he were my wife, I'd certainly batter him.

flumphead, being the classy lad he is, decided it would be totally awesome to stick the turtles in porn. I can't say he really succeeded in making a quality image, but after looking at his picture I can almost understand what it would feel like to receive an acid money shot from one of those alien xenomorphs. Thanks a ton.

Let's all thank Stevezilla for fine and hilarious effort that must have taken unimaginable amounts of time (less than 2 minutes, not counting the five hours it took him to figure out how to loud and open a picture in Photoshop). What can I say? While some people spend hours and hours working on the hilarious images you see here week after week, there are people like Stevezilla here who not only lack the talent or the willingness to work for a laugh, but don't care about bringing the quality level down phenomenally by being lazy. I don't care if people suck at Photoshop, but I don't understand why they feel the need to share something so abysmally bad with the rest of us. Can't we practice in private? How can you look at a picture that you made that's nothing but a horrifying cut and paste job and not feel bad? Pasting is one thing, but you've got to actually work on blending things. That lion certainly doesn't look the least bit natural, nor do any of them really. I give this effort five stars, which I hope go supernova and all but vaporize Stevezilla.

Bad Dude submitted a bunch of entries this week, and while a few were almost passable enough to appeal to my sense of charity and pity, they still fell short of my amazingly inconsistent expectations. This one, unlike those other retarded little blips on my radar, simply cried out for attention. This picture is just plain offensive and I can't help but wish that it never happened. It offends me not on just a professional level, but on all levels I can comprehend. If I were on level 3 of Super Mario Brothers 3, it would still offend me there. I'm all for cracking a joke at the expense of the Ted Turner's alter ego, Captain Planet, but this just goes too far in all the wrong directions. It's an ugly mess, and to make it even more insulting, it has ugly colored text that penetrates the soul and leaves nothing but shame for everyone who has to see it. This picture is a cry for help from a deeply troubled boy who should think long and hard about ever making another Photoshop image. I dream of a world where images like this don't exist, not even in nightmares or flashbacks of what things used to be like. I also dream that I have no more dreams that include nightmares or flashbacks since that just gets very confusing.

Okay, I'm definitely done. C U L8R NAVIG8R!!!

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

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