Remember how a bunch of ska bands had a guy onstage that just danced?We should all still be pretty fucking pissed off about that.— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 27, 2013
I'll never be a Cover Girl because Cover Girls don't sweat when they eat— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) January 27, 2013
The good news about Adam Levine hosting SNL is that Adam Levine isn’t the musical guest— Andy Levy (@andylevy) January 26, 2013
I keep a pair of earplugs in my nightstand in case I ever hook up with a pro tennis player.— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) January 26, 2013
people overthink porn names. why not Good Sexman. why not Perfect Fucker. why not Hole Genius— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) January 26, 2013
Good luck getting someone from New Orleans to shut up about New Orleans— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) January 26, 2013
Rock legend David Bowie has changed his identity with almost every album. Can you remember all these classic Bowie characters?
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!