thank you to whoever put the video entitled "dog eating a dildo" on my youtube playlist— Matt (@Cheesegod69) January 24, 2013
wow, Barbie girl in Barbie world? talk about your damn privilege— naterz (@rushoffailure) January 24, 2013
the smirk store called. heh.— vrunt (@vrunt) January 24, 2013
“Fuck it.” - Inventor of the breakfast burrito— Steven Amiri (@StevenAmiri) January 23, 2013
why do you always have nicer earrings than me mexican babies— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) January 22, 2013
I sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month on eBay.— Future Ex-Wife (@Faptually) January 22, 2013
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!