It will be great on the day after Election Day that we can all get back to tweeting about our kids and exaggerated working conditions.— Shawn Garrett (@ShawnGarrett) October 18, 2012
My sister is my parents favorite cause she’s pregnant with twins and I’m the least favorite cause I spend my money on chicken stars.— Tracy Marquez (@tracy_marq) October 22, 2012
"Soft Launch" is an industry term for "excuse to get drunk and DJ tonight."— Brock Wilbur (@brockwilbur) October 19, 2012
How many times a day do you have to urinate to officially earn the title "Human Pee Machine Who Pees Like It's His/Her Freaking CAREER"? 14?— Joe Randazzo (@Randazzoj) October 11, 2012
Neither candidate addressed the fact that we have a Hulk— Andy Levy (@andylevy) October 23, 2012
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!