It will be great on the day after Election Day that we can all get back to tweeting about our kids and exaggerated working conditions.— Shawn Garrett (@ShawnGarrett) October 18, 2012
My sister is my parents favorite cause she’s pregnant with twins and I’m the least favorite cause I spend my money on chicken stars.— Tracy Marquez (@tracy_marq) October 22, 2012
"Soft Launch" is an industry term for "excuse to get drunk and DJ tonight."— Brock Wilbur (@brockwilbur) October 19, 2012
How many times a day do you have to urinate to officially earn the title "Human Pee Machine Who Pees Like It's His/Her Freaking CAREER"? 14?— Joe Randazzo (@Randazzoj) October 11, 2012
Neither candidate addressed the fact that we have a Hulk— Andy Levy (@andylevy) October 23, 2012
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!