When you die you get to read Penny Arcade all day.


I have yet to meet a real emu


If you're going to stalk somebody at least make it Jodie Foster.


I would cut myself if chocolate came out.


I loved watching those anorexia movies in 7th grade health class. It's literally all we did and I would jerk off thinking about that one actress who is in all the after school specials.


This is why you have to be 18 or older to vote.


Thanks to Secks, panascope, corpuscollossus, MagnumOpus, Horace, N-ER-GEE, tao, JellyS, Mitochondria Eve, Lazlowrocks, Hunkty Kunkty, big duck equals goose, Token Female, Cornballer, Malorkus and Cuddlebottom for helping me harvest images and organs.

– Hassan "Acetone" Mikal

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.