I love the image this post creates. "Uh, cut the bullshit Mrs. Thompson, masturbation is a normal and wonderful act. You should not have grounded Jimmy for that!"

My first time was more like the fountains at Bellagio.

Yeah, you and almost every other boy. Get over yourself "jonhenri". You aren't so special.

Why oh why do I read these forums?! This is what I do on a Saturday night, read about guys jerking off.

Uh, no, Thomas Edison invented masturbation. Don't try to take credit for other people's inventions. Jerk.

The best thing about this forum are the jerkoff stories from guys who use their real picture of themselves in their avatar.

Hello "casanova"! I wonder if that dog knows where those hands have been.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.