A lot of religious groups say that if you masturbate all sorts of bad things will happen to your penis. The truth is that masturbation makes your penis bigger. Don't believe me? Just ask your mom.

Oh my.



My girlfriend sprays her colon on me too.

Yeah just stick the head of any girl you see into your armpit and she's yours for the taking.

Make money. Lots of money. We're talking a net worth of over five hundred million dollars here.

Bang them all and let God sort it out.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.