Something Awful writer Baron Von Psychosis wrote a guide some time ago about working at Gamestop in which he listed the types of people who shop at the nation wide chain. Having worked there for half a year I am convinced it's those very same people that run the company. If you've ever bought anything at a Gamestop then you probably know that these poor fucks push reservations and subscriptions as if their grandma was being raped and the only way to stop the onslaught of a thirteen inch cock ramming their seventy year old grandmother is to get as many suckers to buy into this shit as they can. As you bring your game up to the cash register these vultures swoop down upon their prey and begin their ravishing display, spewing out such brilliant lines like, "If you don't reserve that game you'll have to wait forever to buy it!" Yes, like Gamestop is the only place in the world that sells video games. If you don't get a game the very first day it comes out then you aren't a winner and winners reserve games. Well that's kind of true in the sense that the gold medalist at the Special Olympics is a "winner".

Anyway last Wednesday I witnessed the most horrible act of greed I have ever seen working for this company. I don't know whose idea it was but the district manager called up every Gamestop in the area and instructed all of the stores to call every single person who pre-ordered Halo 2 and inform them that they can now reserve this cheesy-assed SUPER DUPER SPECIAL EDITION green Xbox that comes with Halo. What's wrong with this picture?

1) Anyone who has reserved Halo 2 no doubt has an Xbox already.
2) Anyone who has reserved Halo 2 no doubt has Halo already.
3) Since when did Gamestop employees become telemarketers?

What did they expect people to say? "THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE DEAL! I already have an Xbox that works just fine but I will be there right away and give you ten bucks down with a commitment to hand over another 150 come next week because I just love wasting money!"

IT'S A GREEN FUCKING XBOX!

And here's a company that is already enjoying record earnings just itching to cash in. Profits are up. Reserves are up. Subscriptions are up. You know what we should do? Cut hours. Cut the employee discount to 15% from 20% just like we cut it from 25% to 20% a few years back. Let's punish our employees who don't get the most reservations or subscriptions even though the magazine is shit and no one just wants to make a $53 dollar commitment at check out. Most of all, let's bother all the people who pre-ordered a game at our store, who we indicated to that we would only call them when the actual game comes out, and ask them to buy a stupid fucking gimmicky piece of shit for a hundred and seventy dollars.

But hey, whatever makes you feel good about yourself.


Peeing and Pooping in School and Public

Holy crap.

And we're afraid of cars harming the enviroment...

"Baby Johnnie" is a 41-year-old systems analyst from Houston, Texas.

"Prince Poop-A-Lot" was ecstatic when he heard that Fridays are now "Bring your shit to work" days at work.

How about you handle the uncontrollable mess that is your life before you go and shit your pants?

YEAH RIGHT. I'll bet you four hundred dollars that "Emily" here is packing something other than a gun.

All the cool kids do it.

"Prince Poop-A-Lot" has to bring those little doggy doo bags with him whenever he goes out in public and now he's sick and tired of it.

I think I'm going to throw up.

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