With the help of Jesus' love I have become an abnormal human being who doesn't masturbate. Amen.

The problem is that she's ugly. You would change your mind about premarital sex real quick if she were a ten.

Fuck I-10. I drive on I-5. I need God.

Lord, please give "edheldur" the power to post long bullshit on a message board. Amen.

Yes. All of them. It's the sixteenth amendment.

Seriously, just come out of the closet and enjoy your life. If you don't you will only supress those feelings until they come out in anger, depression, or worse.

I'm heterosexual and addicted to pron. Please respond! Amen.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.