She wears GLASSES? Gross!!!!!
I've had dreams about things that look like this crawling on all fours and chasing me around my house. Not the good kind of dreams.
"I only loved you for your urine."
It's a trick, ladies!
If you have to post on Craigslist looking for women you saw at Walmart, you should just go ahead and slice those genitals off right now.
This is probably what every computer guy secretly dreams about, only he has the balls to come out and say it.
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
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