I think "Bitzer" is probably the kind of person that watches reruns of Home Improvement and tries to make sense of all the grunting noises.

Wolves generally don't eat those things, guys.

Looks like somebody went home with a really great "what the fuck" story.

"Anuolf" could have just said "I molest pets" and most people would get the same thing out of it.

Wanting to eat the patient is generally bad.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.