I watched this video, and immediately afterwards, I had all sorts of assumptions about this jerk. Among them:

  • He probably lives in Indiana or perhaps Ohio.
  • 20 years old
  • Community college alumni majoring in "undecided".
  • Outspoken Libertarian, but "leaning towards McCain".
  • Will talk your fucking arm off about the differences between "Jungle" and "IDM" music.
  • Works at either the local Wal-Mart (in the Electronics department, naturally) or at the local movie theater (cashier/projectionist).
  • Thinks Affirmative Action is a waste of the incredibly miniscule amount of taxes he pays from his minimum wage job.
  • Is secretly terrified of black people.
  • Dates a girl at least 60 pounds heavier than himself.
  • That is not his only sword. Not by a fucking longshot.
  • Had a hard time deciding whether to wear the shirt in the video with or without his dragon button-up over it.
  • Owns a car made in 1991. And by car I mean van. And by own I mean it's in his parents name and they pay the insurance because he can't afford it.
  • Once ate two P'Zones in one sitting; loves those new Mt. Dew flavored Doritos.
  • Self-diagnosed Aspergers. Thinks he deserves a handicapped parking space permit because of it.
  • Ayn Rand is mentioned at least 3 times on his Myspace profile.

Then I clicked his profile. "25 years old; from the UK".

Welp, that just goes to show that even I can be wrong about the particulars of why someone is a fucking failure. (thought to my credit, I was right about the Aspergers at least!)

That about does it for this week! Thanks to my homies Tim, Nolan, Mark, and the rest for submitting these terrible videos. Also thanks to Weezer for almost doing my job for me this week. If you'd like to join the ranks of these nefarious hooligans and send me some terrible videos to review, send them right here. And as usual, here's our Youtube Channel (updated whenever I feel like it because I am lazy, and fat and easily distracted by shiny objects).

See you jerks next time!

– Seth "Occupy Japan" Bailey

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