Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual II (part 2)

Zack: We're coming off two in a row for creepy D&D sex, Steve. Let's try not to make it a threepeat.

Steve: Our health teacher showed us this to convince us not to drink too much.

Zack: This is the varrdig of an alcoholic. Cirrhosis of the fluid brute.

Steve: Little son of a bitch is evil to boot. He's gonna scamper around on those chicken talons of his and then spray some creepy-tube water in your face.

Zack: I always wonder with monsters like this that are capable of human level intelligence: what do they do when they're not being a monster? The world of modern conveniences isn't really set up for a blob of jelly jammed full of chicken legs and garden hoses.

Steve: D&D was like the middle ages though. Not like modern conveniences. Think about how awful the middle ages were, dude. That world pretty much was set up for this dude.

Zack: Clicking across the cobblestones, hosing down the peasants with liquid cholera and typhoid.

Steve: Been a while since I read my Middle Ages book, but I'm pretty sure cholera and typhoid were like the foundation blocks of the food pyramid back then.