Ooops! You gooshed your pants!

You know that you're relieved having found the perfect accompaniment to your 'This-One-Time-In-Tijuana' costume. The Goosh Pants tastefully (or not so "tastefully", depending on your appreciation of toilet humor) display a yellow spray down the front - vibrantly indicating that you have urinated on yourself. Not enough for you? Flip 'em around to showcase the excitement of "sliding into third". To sum it up: Get the look without drinking the water in Mexico!

  • Available in One Size Fits Most Adults.
  • Includes: Pants.
  • Shoes and shirt are not included.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Here's a good costume: yourself in 30 years!

Zackula: It's not pee, i had a six-pound cyst on my groin!

Dr. Thorpenstein: Ever since I visited Indonesia I've had these weird growths that occasionally burst into a half-gallon of weird pus that smells like Hai Karate.

Zackula: Do you have a craving for peanut butter and banana sandwiches and human bone marrow?

Dr. Thorpenstein: Well, yeah, but that's pretty normal for me.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Oh man, I hadn't even noticed the back view-- this is a costume that implies that you've peed and shat yourself! I thought this was a lame one-joke pee pants costume, but it turns out to work on multiple levels... just like great literature!

Zackula: You know what would make this costume really amazing?

Dr. Thorpenstein: What's that? Some blood and semen?

Zackula: A bucktoothed gorilla mask, a shocker suit, a grass skirt, coconut bra, a hairy chest and sleeves, gorilla hands, and possibly some of those giant novelty sunglasses.

Zackula: We'll call it the Shitty Shockery Michelle Obama Vacation Costume.

Dr. Thorpenstein: That's a fucking stupid costume.

Zackula: Exactly.

Dr. Thorpenstein: But you add a pussy-eating shirt, buddy, now you're in BUSINESS!

Zackula: Maybe you will finally meet that girl of your dreams. The sort of girl who is attracted to a man in shitty piss pants.

Zackula: "Well, he looked like he peed and pooped his pants, but after a while I realized his shirt said he could eat pussy really well, so I married him." - Michelle Obama

Dr. Thorpenstein: I mean, sometimes I think that's what I really need, being that I constantly both piss and shit my pants, but then I think maybe it's like Groucho Marx said-- I wouldn't want to be in a club that would let me piss and shit my pants as a member.

Zackula: Oh, I'm a member of the Shit and Piss Club. It's pretty nice. Great restaurant.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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