Beware of crocodiles...

Who else can make Long John Silver shake in his boots, be Blackbeard's right hand man, and be Peter's worst enemy? The Ultimate Captain Hook costume includes a bright red coat with gold trim and contrast cuffs/lapels, a white ruffle jabot, and the signature hook hand prop.

  • Available in Adult Plus Sizes: 2X-Large and 3X-Large.
  • Includes: Coat, Jabot, Hook prop.
  • Wig, Hat, Pants, and Boots are not included.
  • Pair with Peter Pan for the ultimate Neverland showdown!
  • This is an officially licensed Peter Pan " costume.

Zackula: I hope the crocodile that ate his hand has a prescription for Caduet.

Dr. Thorpenstein: No amount of happy thoughts are gonna get this dude off the ground.

Dr. Thorpenstein: And it's not just the jowliness-- look at those sunken eyes. I think this guy's been up all night on a fairy dust bender, which officially depletes my reserves of Peter Pan jokes.

Zackula: He's from Never-Never Laid.

Zackula: Wig, hat, pants, and boots not included. Well jeez, that's half the costume. What else isn't included? No doughy loser trying to win a staring contest?

Dr. Thorpenstein: Hey! Wait! Hey! I came up with another Peter Pan fat joke! Get this: he looks like he ATE TINKERBELL! Which has no significant effect on his weight because she's very small, and it would be no different from eating, say, a moderately sized brook trout! But nonetheless, he looks like the sort of man who would eat a thing, regardless of what the thing was!

Zackula: She's loaded with carbs though. Totally broke his diet. Used up a free day in the middle of the week and went to bed right after he ate her. It's gonna hurt in the short term, but if he doubles up on cardio for the rest of the week...he'll still never get laid.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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