1The Hillbilly Handshake+8.34
After a slow third quarter, the world's most recognizable rope trick is off to a rip-roaring return thanks to increased repertoire inclusions from top names like Cowboy Carl and Tiny Bettis.
2The Pensacola Pinwheel+4.14
Whispers of a proposed merger with The Palmdale Pinwheel bring this newcomer to a strong close.
3Satan's Tourniquet+3.89
Cynical investors pushed this dastardly trick to an amazing close as rumors of its impending banning made every performance a national event. "The deaths must stop," opined a misty Cowboy Carl, cradling the dripping trunk of his newly dead friend Angus Princeton.
4The Gentleman's Agreement+2.52
Sophisticated New England repackage of the Hillbilly Handshake turns beaucoup heads in lobsterland.
5The Rapist's Feast+1.53
High-profile rapes on the lasso circuit give TRF mucho name recognish. Big tourney wins for Rapist Jim speed things along.
6The Cockney Grift+1.06
Tabloid controversy surrounding the trick's frequently jailed creator, Folsom Ladd, leads this psychedelic twist on the classic 60-40 to a rollicking good week. "No publicity is bad publicity," says Ladd, sometime heroin addict and Kate Moss armtoy.
7The Giant Clicking Worm
Decreasing gains lead pundits to predict a plateau for Ruth Duke's much-hyped johnny-come-lately.
8The Millionaire's Mustache+1.03
A rare readmittance of a trick once banned from the pro circuit, the Mustache rides controversy to a brilliant close in its first week back. Formerly named The Cockatillo, this dangerous over-under snapped one too many ankles in the late 80s.
9The Lament of Johnny Longarms+0.99
A solid week for one of the most heart-wrenching tricks in the sport. As Cowboy Carl slowdanced through its caramel waves on NBC's Ropefire, there wasn't a dry eye in the judging box.
10The Seinfeld Curse+0.95
Continued fallout from the Michael Richards incident makes this trick play big with irony-drunk college crowds.
11The Troubadour's Boner+0.83
Make no "bones" about it: the Troub is on a winning streak. Look for more gains as national talent picks this trick up from the underground scene and parades it at the Big Show.
12Medusa's Hairdo+0.76
Following Shelly Jones' performance of this unusual multi-rope trick on Fox's Ropestar, its stock took off like Pegasus. "I couldn't avert my gaze," said notoriously cranky Ropestar judge Mark D'Arensbourg.
13Murder, She Roped+0.73
Rumors of Angela Lansbury's impending death sent this elegant late 80's twirl lumbering to the top. Even though the rumors turned out to be false, the trick stays in the picture.
14The Constable Checks Out+0.68
Forget the name, because the Constable is definitely in! After instructions for this trick leaked to the Internet a full month ahead of the scheduled release date, fans from Tehran to Texas have been giving it a whirl.
15The Connecticut Proxy+0.60
The State of Connecticut's recent PR blitz is paying off big time, thanks in part to a nod from Cowboy Carl, who wowed crowds opening Game Six of the World Series with this landmark trick.
More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful