Hydrogen: Finally, somebody got off their ass and made the live-action Bomberman movie I've always dreamed of.
Trillaphon: Any one of those giant bricks of C4 looks like it would easily take out the entire building by hollywood explosion standards, but for some reason he feels the need to plant like 30 of them at once.
Hydrogen: His vengeance would just be totally unsatisfactory if Shatner's rumpus room was still partially standing after the blast.
Hydrogen: Wait, so he was upset enough about the dog getting lynched to sneak into his house with a duffel bag full of spraypaint and tag up the mirror with that stupid dead dog joke before sneaking out and then back in with a bunch of bombs, but not upset enough about it to, I dunno, like, act surprised, or cry a single tear, or get all mad and punch a wall or something when it happened?
Trillaphon: If you think those were questionable decisions, get a load of this:
Trillaphon: I was going to make a joke about Nakatomi Plaza before he went for the fucking fire hose. Ugh.
Hydrogen: I'm not a medical doctor or anything, but I'm pretty sure the human spine would have a really bad time with that whole finale he just pulled there. The trash part is pretty fitting though at least.
Trillaphon: Forget medical doctors, this scene gives me a whole new appreciation for architects and their attention to fine details. Who among us would think of making the fire hose on the roof exactly the right length to reach two feet above the sidewalk?
Trillaphon: I mean, obviously it would kill you instantly, but leaving your corpse dangling right at street level is just really considerate to the public service workers who have to drag your stupid body to the morgue. They don't even have to bring a ladder or anything.
Hydrogen: I like how he pulled that sweet elevator/staircase fakeout trick to get to get up to the roof so he'd have to jump off the fucking skyscraper instead of using the exact same trick to get him down a few floors so he could have a) just walked out the goddamn door or b) jumped from a lot closer to the ground.
Trillaphon: Well when you put it that way it just sounds stupid.
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Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.