|16||Grandma Dances with Cobras||+0.48|
|Grandma enjoys one of the strongest gains of the week thanks in part to a recent deluge of amateur YouTube videos. She's all the rage with high schools kids across the country looking to make a big impression.|
|17||The Cackling Ninny||+0.41|
|A disappointing close for the Ol' Nin, suggesting weak ringtone sales and limited crossover appeal.|
|18||The Purloined Pearls of Miss Jessica Alba||+0.21|
|This avant-garde wraparound from English upstart James Granville has taken on a life of its own as a rather untraditional courting ritual. With its majestic arcs and swoops, how could any woman possibly say no?|
|19||The Guy from the Gin Blossoms who Killed Himself||+0.20|
|Truly a trick that has outgrown its name: over a decade of waning topicality can't kill this stalwart fan favorite.|
|20||The Hula Jew||+0.18|
|The momentum of a strong Yom Ha'atzmaut continues for an unprecedented third month.|
|21||Laudanum for the Lady||+0.17|
|This trick enjoyed an unexpected boost when Hilary Clinton condemned its misogynistic nature. The fact of the matter remains undeniable: women are pacified by its hypnotic and soothing motions.|
|22||The Allure of a Fine Woman||+0.14|
|This nineteenth century update on the Siren's Song has long been a favorite of mariners used to spending long months away from the fairer sex, but thanks to an appearance on the Discovery Channel's "Deadliest Catch" it is enjoying new appreciation from landlubbers everywhere.|
|23||The Stevedore's Sad Sad Song||+0.12|
|The classic longshoreman's twirl garnered some new attention following a glowing review on National Public Radio. Its graceful maneuvers are a hit with upper class liberals looking for a superficial way to empathize with the blue collar worker.|
|24||The Woodcutter's Lost Thumb||+0.09|
|A rare exception to the oft-quoted rule that everything Cowboy Carl touches turns to gold. Even a quick turn on Jay Leno couldn't win the public's attention; some critics claim it's ahead of its time, while others note its similarity to the equally unsuccessful Layman's Mandate.|
|25||The Shitting Nixon||+/- 0.00|
|Stalemate for aging protest trick. Time for this lame duck to resign?|
|26||The Shanghai Crippler||-0.04|
|A tepid week for Cowboy Wong's signature whizbang, unaided by the meteoric rise in Chinese acceptance among the roping community.|
|27||The Gadfly's Cleft||-0.06|
|It seemed like a perfect setup: a lost Olaf Wangen trick, unperformed by humans for more than a hundred years, would make a grand return at the Lariat Expo. What might have been the rope trick event of the decade fizzled as promoters failed to secure A-list talent to perform the trick. Had Cowboy Carl tackled its hoary gyres, it may have come off huge.|
|These numbers don't lie: America is losing patience with idiot-savant indie darling Monz Pubis. "When you take away his shocking antics and flashing costumes," says Ben Bauriedel of the San Francisco Chronicle, "he's just another backyard roper throwing loops to the wind."|
|29||Robber Baron Meets Quicksand||-0.13|
|This famous twister dating back to the Great Interregnum enjoyed a brief resurgence thanks to German Classicalists, but is quickly falling out of favor with American audiences looking for more pomp and less circumstance.|
|30||Cincinnati Train Robber||-0.18|
|Following this week's tragic train accident in Ohio, Cincinnati's most famous trick suffered minor losses. Ohio lasso maven Joe "Bandit" Burns called for a nationwide moratorium out of respect for the dead. A rebound is all but certain, given the trick's popularity in the Midwest.|
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Following America's defeat in World War 3, allied forces uncovered a number of experimental weapon prototypes in the hotel-compound of Trump's loyalist Space Force army. Had the war continued just a few more months, these secret weapons would have changed the course of the war.
Are there arrows in Tomb Raider? "No. Absolutely not."
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