frumpus posted:

You: hello

You: i am looking for ways to get cancer

You: like causes

KareemaF: Good day. Let me see what I can locate for you/ One moment please

You: i know there is smoking and stuff

You: but i have been smoking for many years and still do not have it

You: i need something faster

You: like, would i get cancer right away if i ate a tumor from someone else?

You: also, if you could tell me where i might acquire a tumor that might be helpful

You: hello?

KareemaF: Thanks for coming to ChaCha! Give me a moment while I do all your searching for you!

You: hmm, that site seems to be focused on prevention

You: i need to get cancer right away

You: it is the only way my doctor will provide the sweet sweet morphine that i crave

KareemaF: Can I find anything else for you?

You: yes please

You: where can i acquire a cancerous tumor? i still want to try my idea

KareemaF: Thanks for searching ChaCha!

KareemaF: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.

Status: Session ended.


Status: Looking for a guide ...

Status: Connected to guide: CrystinaL

CrystinaL: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: hI.

CrystinaL: How are you?

You: I am trying to rap.

You: Otherwise, good.

You: Yourself?

CrystinaL: lol- hows it going?

CrystinaL: fabulous thank you!

You: Word!

CrystinaL: word

You: Anyways, on the bus, we have 'rap battles'

You: And I am trying to win.

You: But I need to bring some fresh rhymes, ya dig?

CrystinaL: i dig


You: Nobdy can rhyme off my name, Pandigga.

CrystinaL: k give me a word you want to ryme or do you want me to try your name?

You: Try and rhyme my name

You: It's pronounced pan-digga

CrystinaL: hey thats how I would have said it

CrystinaL: k, just sec

CrystinaL: try that site, let me know if it works, it wont let me ryhme

You: No it won't let me either

CrystinaL: k sorry bout that, try the next one, I will delet the first

CrystinaL: theres a third, let me know how those work out while I continue searching

You: number 2 is alright, but those are whack rhymes

You: I need something tight.

CrystinaL: oh I hate whack rhymes

CrystinaL: let me see if I can find you something tight

You: The third is pretty good, but I wanna know if I can get a longer list

CrystinaL: k

CrystinaL: still searching for you

You: Welp, my posse is here

You: So I have to head out thanks for the help

You: Keep it fresh

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.