You: i am looking for ways to get cancer
You: like causes
KareemaF: Good day. Let me see what I can locate for you/ One moment please
You: i know there is smoking and stuff
You: but i have been smoking for many years and still do not have it
You: i need something faster
You: like, would i get cancer right away if i ate a tumor from someone else?
You: also, if you could tell me where i might acquire a tumor that might be helpful
KareemaF: Thanks for coming to ChaCha! Give me a moment while I do all your searching for you!
You: hmm, that site seems to be focused on prevention
You: i need to get cancer right away
You: it is the only way my doctor will provide the sweet sweet morphine that i crave
KareemaF: Can I find anything else for you?
You: yes please
You: where can i acquire a cancerous tumor? i still want to try my idea
KareemaF: Thanks for searching ChaCha!
KareemaF: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: CrystinaL
CrystinaL: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.
CrystinaL: How are you?
You: I am trying to rap.
You: Otherwise, good.
CrystinaL: lol- hows it going?
CrystinaL: fabulous thank you!
You: Anyways, on the bus, we have 'rap battles'
You: And I am trying to win.
You: But I need to bring some fresh rhymes, ya dig?
CrystinaL: i dig
You: Nobdy can rhyme off my name, Pandigga.
CrystinaL: k give me a word you want to ryme or do you want me to try your name?
You: Try and rhyme my name
You: It's pronounced pan-digga
CrystinaL: hey thats how I would have said it
CrystinaL: k, just sec
CrystinaL: try that site, let me know if it works, it wont let me ryhme
You: No it won't let me either
CrystinaL: k sorry bout that, try the next one, I will delet the first
CrystinaL: theres a third, let me know how those work out while I continue searching
You: number 2 is alright, but those are whack rhymes
You: I need something tight.
CrystinaL: oh I hate whack rhymes
CrystinaL: let me see if I can find you something tight
You: The third is pretty good, but I wanna know if I can get a longer list
CrystinaL: still searching for you
You: Welp, my posse is here
You: So I have to head out thanks for the help
You: Keep it fresh
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
DOPPELGANGER NEEDED - To minimize stress to my dog, I'm looking for somebody who is identical to me to take over ownership. Must also be able to fool my wife. Call to set up interview. 555-8252
I'll never forgive these giant alien insects! I'm trying!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.