puchu posted:

Status: Connected to guide: AnneC

AnneC: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: hiya anne!

AnneC: How are you?

You: i'm wondering why the eagles keep losing in the nfl football thing

You: great

You: i'm excellent i hope you're fine

AnneC: I'm good thanks

You: now you see my friend has some conspiracy theory

AnneC: Thanks for coming to ChaCha! Give me a moment while I do all your searching for you!

You: he thinks it's because of some sorta plan by george bush

You: to make them lose

You: so more people will sign up for the military from philly

You: i told him it was a lie

AnneC: I'll find exactly what u need

You: well can you actually send the info to andy reid

You: c/o eagles

You: he probably needs to know more than i do

AnneC: Whats his email

You: hold on i have this written down somewhere

You: give me a sec

You: ok it's coach@philadelphiaeagles.com i think

You: i hope you turn up enough info to help him

AnneC: No Problem

You: i really need them to do well this season

AnneC: Can I find anything else for you?

You: no thanks anne, you're a gem

You: high five

AnneC: Have a great night!

AnneC: Thank you for using ChaCha!

Status: Session ended.

O.G. posted:

Status: Connected to guide: AmandaJ

AmandaJ: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: Hey!

AmandaJ: How are you tonight?


You: I am fine! How are you?

AmandaJ: I'm doing wonderful, thanks!

AmandaJ: So you would like some info on building wooden crosses?

You: That is good to hear. Yes I was trying to find some information on building a large wooden cross

You: preferably around 12 feet tall or so

AmandaJ: I'll get right on that

AmandaJ: I appreciate your patience while I find exactly what you need.

You: thank you maam! Take all the time you need

You: you are serving a good purpose!

AmandaJ: Well thank you

AmandaJ: is this for outdoor purposes, I assume?

You: Oh yes, most certainly!

AmandaJ: What problems are you running into?

You: I was just looking for some general directions. I would probably be able to put something together on my own though

AmandaJ: I imagine you'll have to have a nice sturdy bottom... probably a concrete base to support it

You: Instead of that, could you help me find something on different types of wood? Like which ones burn easily but are fairly sturdy?

You: Yes that is true, although I was thinking something more along the lines of cables

AmandaJ: Ah.

AmandaJ: So you are looking to ignite the wood?

You: Well yes eventually. Possibly something that burns fairly brightly and emits a good bit of heat

AmandaJ: This isn't a really relevant site

AmandaJ: however

AmandaJ: it has a couple pointers

AmandaJ: I'll continue to search and again, I appreciate your patience

You: It is no problem what so ever, you are being very helpful!

You: Do you think that something like white cedar would be a good wood to use?

You: I hear there is a white pine as well

AmandaJ: I will check more on that

You: My sincerest thanks to you

AmandaJ: Thanks for your paitence, there doesn't appear to be alot of information on the subject

You: There doesn't seem to be anymore these days

You: I remember back when I was young you could ask your next door neighbor about this sort of thing

You: Not much coming up? I have to leave for my costume party in a few minutes

You: Amanda?

HugTherapist posted:

Status: Looking for a guide ...

Status: Connected to guide: nicolec

nicolec: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: Hello.

nicolec: hello

nicolec: how may i help you

You: I'm trying to find information on "search history", I want to see what my son has been looking up on the computer--i walked in on him the other day and he got all red-faced and turned the monitor off, so i want to make sure he isn't looking at anything dangerous on the lycos

nicolec: ok thats easy

nicolec: go to cookies in you desktop

You: cookies?

nicolec: yes go to run prorams and type in cookies

nicolec: tell me what you see

You: okay

nicolec: i will wait

You: thank you nicolec

You: i think i found it, maybe

nicolec: i am sending yousites too that will help

You: oh my god.

You: oh my GOD

nicolec: what


nicolec: lol

nicolec: what

You: my shithead SON has been showing people PICTURES of his DON JOHNSON to strangers on the internet!!!!!


nicolec: oh i am sorry

You: I dont care if he's autistic

You: I just dont care anymore!!!

nicolec: Can I find anything else for you?


nicolec: lol cant do that

nicolec: well hang in there and have a nice night

nicolec: Thanks for using ChaCha! I hope you had a great search experience!

And that's all she wrote. Thanks to everybody over at the forums, I hope you all enjoyed this Comedy Goldmine. I trust you've learned something as well — sometimes, when you're looking for a needle in a haystack, you might just end up finding gold instead.

– Tekky "Jumpman16" Andrew-Jaja

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2017 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.