puchu posted:

Status: Connected to guide: AnneC

AnneC: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: hiya anne!

AnneC: How are you?

You: i'm wondering why the eagles keep losing in the nfl football thing

You: great

You: i'm excellent i hope you're fine

AnneC: I'm good thanks

You: now you see my friend has some conspiracy theory

AnneC: Thanks for coming to ChaCha! Give me a moment while I do all your searching for you!

You: he thinks it's because of some sorta plan by george bush

You: to make them lose

You: so more people will sign up for the military from philly

You: i told him it was a lie

AnneC: I'll find exactly what u need

You: well can you actually send the info to andy reid

You: c/o eagles

You: he probably needs to know more than i do

AnneC: Whats his email

You: hold on i have this written down somewhere

You: give me a sec

You: ok it's [email protected] i think

You: i hope you turn up enough info to help him

AnneC: No Problem

You: i really need them to do well this season

AnneC: Can I find anything else for you?

You: no thanks anne, you're a gem

You: high five

AnneC: Have a great night!

AnneC: Thank you for using ChaCha!

Status: Session ended.


O.G. posted:

Status: Connected to guide: AmandaJ

AmandaJ: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: Hey!

AmandaJ: How are you tonight?

AmandaJ:

You: I am fine! How are you?

AmandaJ: I'm doing wonderful, thanks!

AmandaJ: So you would like some info on building wooden crosses?

You: That is good to hear. Yes I was trying to find some information on building a large wooden cross

You: preferably around 12 feet tall or so

AmandaJ: I'll get right on that

AmandaJ: I appreciate your patience while I find exactly what you need.

You: thank you maam! Take all the time you need

You: you are serving a good purpose!

AmandaJ: Well thank you

AmandaJ: is this for outdoor purposes, I assume?

You: Oh yes, most certainly!

AmandaJ: What problems are you running into?

You: I was just looking for some general directions. I would probably be able to put something together on my own though

AmandaJ: I imagine you'll have to have a nice sturdy bottom... probably a concrete base to support it

You: Instead of that, could you help me find something on different types of wood? Like which ones burn easily but are fairly sturdy?

You: Yes that is true, although I was thinking something more along the lines of cables

AmandaJ: Ah.

AmandaJ: So you are looking to ignite the wood?

You: Well yes eventually. Possibly something that burns fairly brightly and emits a good bit of heat

AmandaJ: This isn't a really relevant site

AmandaJ: however

AmandaJ: it has a couple pointers

AmandaJ: I'll continue to search and again, I appreciate your patience

You: It is no problem what so ever, you are being very helpful!

You: Do you think that something like white cedar would be a good wood to use?

You: I hear there is a white pine as well

AmandaJ: I will check more on that

You: My sincerest thanks to you

AmandaJ: Thanks for your paitence, there doesn't appear to be alot of information on the subject

You: There doesn't seem to be anymore these days

You: I remember back when I was young you could ask your next door neighbor about this sort of thing

You: Not much coming up? I have to leave for my costume party in a few minutes

You: Amanda?


HugTherapist posted:

Status: Looking for a guide ...

Status: Connected to guide: nicolec

nicolec: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: Hello.

nicolec: hello

nicolec: how may i help you

You: I'm trying to find information on "search history", I want to see what my son has been looking up on the computer--i walked in on him the other day and he got all red-faced and turned the monitor off, so i want to make sure he isn't looking at anything dangerous on the lycos

nicolec: ok thats easy

nicolec: go to cookies in you desktop

You: cookies?

nicolec: yes go to run prorams and type in cookies

nicolec: tell me what you see

You: okay

nicolec: i will wait

You: thank you nicolec

You: i think i found it, maybe

nicolec: i am sending yousites too that will help

You: oh my god.

You: oh my GOD

nicolec: what

You: HOLY SAINT ANTHONY'S FIRE!!!

nicolec: lol

nicolec: what

You: my shithead SON has been showing people PICTURES of his DON JOHNSON to strangers on the internet!!!!!

You: he is OUT OF THE HOUSE

nicolec: oh i am sorry

You: I dont care if he's autistic

You: I just dont care anymore!!!

nicolec: Can I find anything else for you?

You: A NEW SON

nicolec: lol cant do that

nicolec: well hang in there and have a nice night

nicolec: Thanks for using ChaCha! I hope you had a great search experience!



And that's all she wrote. Thanks to everybody over at the forums, I hope you all enjoyed this Comedy Goldmine. I trust you've learned something as well — sometimes, when you're looking for a needle in a haystack, you might just end up finding gold instead.

– Tekky "Jumpman16" Andrew-Jaja

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The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

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