There's something tragic about Easter candies: the prolonged dismemberment of chocolate bunnies; the microwave execution of stale Peeps; the buried-alive panic of mini-chocolates stuffed into a plastic egg that was never found. But all that pales in comparison with the grim discovery Empty Sandwich shared with SA's Forums!
I've wondered for some time what would happen if I incubated a Cadbury Creme Egg. The problem is, only unfertilized Cadbury eggs are sold in stores.
So I did what anyone else would do: I called around, asked some very discreet questions, and managed to get my hands on some fertilized eggs.
I don't know how my source managed to fertilize them, or what kinds of animals he used. (He was awfully cagey on those points. I told him no humans, and he agreed. Or said he did.) I don't know whether these are legal to have, or ethical to have, or anything else. This is basically backyard-meth-lab science.
All I know is that today, I carefully cut open an egg that'd been incubating for 14 days, and I took some pictures:
Here's what I know so far:
Nothing living is going to come out of these eggs. I don't know if it's the creme, or my bullshit jury-rigged non-scientist science, or if these are just horrible chimerae that man should not have created and that nature cannot suffer to live.
I heard of a live one but it only lived about a few seconds after being hatched. It all comes down to how well you perform the incubation process. Some guy on reddit is claiming to have it perfected.
Not alive you say? Well, he seems pretty perky to me!
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Jeff Foxworthy has awakened to the new flesh to tell some redneck jokes.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.