Tank: Got him! He's on the run.
Neo: Mr Warp Whistle, get me the hell out of here.
Tank: Got a patch on an old mom and pop pizzeria, Wabash and Lake.
Health Inspector Smith: Check him.
Health Inspector Brown: He's full.
Health Inspector Smith: Goodbye, Mr. Giovanni.
Trinity: Neo, I'm not afraid anymore. Fat Tony told me that I would fall in love with a man’s pizza, and that that man, the man whose pizza I loved would be Papa John. So you see? You can't be dead. You can't be, because I love your deep dish. You hear me? I love your grilled pizza.... Now get up.
Morpheus: He is Papa John.
(Phone) Neo, Papa John: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of our fresh toppings and many special offers. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you what you’re going to order next week. I came here to tell you that when you do order, you’re going to get the best pizza you’ve ever eaten, or else you’ll get a full cash refund. Dominos, I'm going to hang up this phone, and I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them the roaches in your stockroom. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to the customer.Hahahhaha, oh man, the goons have really outdone themselves this time. If you haven't grabbed the video from the first page, GO GRAB IT! If you don't the goons will hunt you down, and make funny faces at you and possibly point and laugh. Don't be a victim!
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.