Welcome to Fantasy Island! We are of course assuming your fantasy is to be molested by a baldheaded, birdfaced, mutant homosexual sea captain!

The sanitation workers in South Appleton deliver as well as pick up. I don't know what sewer he found that huge turd in, but it's definitely a conversation starter.

Greg Maynard proudly shows off what he spends all day sitting on.

There was a bright light, I started hovering above my bed, and the next thing I know, I'm surrounded by a bunch of these creatures! They took me aboard their ship and showed me the secret to world peace. In exchange, I promised not to crush their flaky heads with a baseball bat. I ended up going back on my promise.

Oh good, George "The Animal" Steel poses with his new manager on the right. I wish the guy luck, and give him about three hours until his entire stereo system is eaten.

No, I DON'T think that will help the TV get better reception so you can get the SPICE channel. Antennas typically need to be longer than two inches, you stupid simp.