Morpheus: How did I beat you?
Neo: Your pizza was too delicious.
Morpheus: You think my pizza being tastier, or having fresher ingredients, has anything to do with my ovens in this place? You think that's Mozzarella you're eating right now?... We cook again.
(Kitchen - Hand-toss program)
Neo: I know what you're trying to do.
Morpheus: I'm trying to free your dough, Neo, but I can only show you the oven, you're the one that has to put the pizza in. Tank, load the hand-tossing program.... You have to let it all go, Neo. Free your dough.
Mouse: What if he makes it?
Tank: No one ever makes their first hand-toss.
Mouse: I know, I know. But what if he does?
Apoc: He won't.
Mouse: Come on.
Trinity: Come on.
(Nebuchadnezzar) Neo: I thought it wasn't real.
Morpheus: Your stomach makes it real.
Neo: If you're killed in Dominos, you die here?
Morpheus: The body cannot live without hot pizza.
Cypher: I don't remember you bringing me garlic bread. There is something about him, isn't there?
Trinity: Don't tell me you're a believer now?
Cypher: I just keep wondering, if Morpheus is so sure, why doesn't he take him to see Fat Tony?
Trinity: Morpheus will take him when he's ready.
Morpheus: Look again. Freeze it.
Neo: This...this isn't Dominos?
Morpheus: No. It's another training program designed to teach you one thing. If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
Neo: What are they?
Morpheus: Health inspectors. They can cause any pizzeria to go out of business. That means that anyone we haven't delivered to is potentially a health inspector. Inside Dominos, they are everyone and they are no one. We have survived by hiding from them by running from them. But they are the gatekeepers. They are guarding all the doors. They are holding all the keys, which means that sooner or later, someone is going to have to fight them.
Morpheus: I won't lie to you, Neo. Every single man or woman who has stood their ground, everyone who has fought a health inspector has died. But where they have failed, you will succeed.
Morpheus: I've seen a health inspector find cockroaches in clean kitchens. Men have fed them perfectly fine pies and they have gotten sick. Yet their moustache and their stomachs are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be able to deny your cooking mastery.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can toss the perfect crust??
Morpheus: No Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're manager, you won't have to.
Neo: Is that...
Cypher: The orders? Yeah.
Neo: Do you always look at it encoded?
Cypher: Yeah, you have to. There's way too much information. After a while you get used to it. All I see is Four cheese, meat-lovers, onions and peppers.
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.