Health Inspector Smith: Do we have a deal, Mr. Rinoldi?
Cypher: You know, I know that this sausage is grade D beef. I know when I put it in my mouth, the heavy seasoning is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, do you know what I've realized? Ignorance is bliss.
Health Inspector Smith: Then we have a deal?
Cypher: I want to remember nothing. Nothing. You understand? And I want to be permanently stoned. And, you know, eating Dominos pizza. Mushrooms and bacon deep dish.
Health Inspector Smith: Whatever you want, Mr. Rinoldi.
Cypher: Okay. I get my body back into Dominos, re-insert me into Cheese-farms, I'll get you what you want.
Health Inspector Smith: Access codes to the Pizza Hut mainframe.
Cypher: No, I told you, I don't know them. I can get you the man who does.
Health Inspector Smith: Morpheus.
Tank: Here you go, buddy. Breakfast of champions.
Mouse: If you close your eyes it almost feels like you're eating antipasto.
Apoc: Yeah, or a bowl of mamma's lasagna.
Mouse: Do you know what it really reminds me of? A large pepperoni and sausage. Did you ever eat a large pepperoni and sausage?
Switch: No, but technically, neither did you.
Mouse: That's exactly my point. Exactly. Because you have to wonder now, now how do Dominos executives really know what a large pepperoni and sausage tasted like. Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think a large pepperoni and sausage tasted like actually tasted like ham and extra cheese or a garlic and broccoli. That makes you wonder about a lot of things...
Apoc: Shut up, Mouse
Neo: Whoa, deja vu.
Trinity: What did you just say?
Neo: Nothing, I just had a little deja vu.
Trinity: What did you see?
Cypher: What happened?
Neo: I had just ordered a pizza a few minutes ago, and someone just ordered a pizza just like it.
Trinity: How much like it, was it the same pizza?
Neo: Might have been, I'm not sure.
Morpheus: Switch, Apoc.
Neo: What is it?
Trinity: Deja vu is usually an order goof in Dominos. It happens when they change something.
Health Inspector Brown: Where are they?
Police: They're in the ovens. They're in the ovens!
Cypher: It's a Health Inspector!
Morpheus: You must get Neo out! He's all that matters.
Neo: No. No, Morpheus! Don't!
Morpheus: Trinity, go!
Neo: We can't leave him!
Trinity: You have to!.... Cypher, come on!
Cypher: Yeah, I need an exit fast.
Cypher: Yeah, there was an accident. Goddamn sausage accident. All of a sudden, boom. Somebody up there still likes me.
Cypher: Get me out of here fast.
Tank: Intersection of Franklin and Erie, a Round Table.
A reluctant family is forced to welcome a non-human participant to Thanksgiving dinner.
Perfect Eggs Every Time: Hold an egg in your cupped hands. Put your hands over a fire, squeezing them together gently to crack the egg open. Try not to let any egg liquid or egg shell fall out between your fingers.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.