Trinity: Is everything in place?
Cypher: You weren't supposed to relieve me.
Trinity: I know, but I felt like taking your shift.
Cypher: You like his pizza, don't you? You like watching him cook.
Trinity: Don't be ridiculous.
Cypher: We're going to put him out of business, do you understand that?
Trinity: Morpheus believes he is Papa John.
Cypher: Do you?
Trinity: It doesn't matter what I believe.
Cypher: You don't, do you?
Trinity: Did you smell that?
Cypher: Smell what?
Trinity: Are you sure this oven is clean?
Cypher: Yeah, 'course I'm sure.
Trinity: I better go.
Delivery Boy: Hey, It's the pizza guys. Hand us our money. Do it. Do it now.
Health Inspector Smith: Mario...
Mario: Oh shit.
Health Inspector Smith: Mario, you were given specific orders.
Mario: Hey, I'm just doing my job. You give me that '30 minutes or less' crap, you can cram it up your ass.
Health Inspector Smith: The orders were for your protection.
Mario: I think we can handle one personal pan.... I sent two delivery men. They're bringing her the pizza now.
Health Inspector Smith: No Mario, your men are already dead.
Trinity: Morpheus, the Pizza was traced, I don't know how.
Morpheus: I know, they cut the sauce line. There's no time, you're going to have to get to another pizzeria.
Trinity: Are there any managers?
Morpheus: You have to focus, Trinity. There's a Little Caesar's at Wells and Lake. You can make it.
Trinity: All right.
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.