Steve: Oh, just a dude living in a giant shell on a beach. No big deal at all.
Zack: Just to explain this full thing, the Sea Hermit is a giant, super-intelligent hermit crab creature that can turn himself into a human. His giant shell is actually a literal house and his goal is to trick people into going inside so he can imprison them and study them.
Steve: Considering how everything in D&D turns out to be some monster, even floors, ceilings, and doors, you would think a giant creepy shell would be a bad way to trick people.
Zack: Maybe D&D people are just conditioned to expect the reverse. Chests are monsters, floors are monsters, so therefore some weird guy by himself on a beach living in a monster sea shell must been an okay guy.
Steve: It does look like a pretty nice house.
Zack: No windows.
Steve: Counterpoint: giant hermit crab.
Zack: Counter-counterpoint: giant hermit crab imprisoned you and will probably kill you.
Steve: We all die eventually unless we achieve immortality through magic or dark pacts, killed by a giant hermit crab seems like a pretty cool way to go.
Zack: Says the bourgeois westerner who hasn't seen his family members brutally slain by giant hermit crabs.
Sir Mix-a-Lot's classic follow up to "Baby Got Back" has serious unintended consequences.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.