Lowtax:: This dude looks like he suddenly became so lazy he just fell over and disintegrated while smoking a pipe and trying to solve a mystery.
Lowtax:: "Can you crack the world's most boring mystery? Are you up to the challenge?" He thought so, and 20 minutes later, bam, he slumped over and fell apart.
Zack: It does have a sudden raygun victim vibe to it.
Lowtax:: "Well you see, I was smoking my pipe and trying to read normal-sized text with a magnifying glass for no real reason, when I suddenly realized I wanted to die. So I did."
Zack: Nobody finishes In Search of Lost Time. Not even a vampire.
Lowtax:: Note the two unlit matches on the left. Memories of innocence lost.
Lowtax:: Also, dude I know you're dead and have major dental issues and all, but seriously putting candles on your Harry Potter books is not a safe idea.
Zack: And with that linen cape. What were you thinking?
Zack: You might as well be reading a propane tank.
Lowtax:: Is the rest of him behind the desk, in back of the books?
Zack: Maybe he was the books.
Zack: Just a head on some books.
Lowtax:: Did his hand detach and fall into a luxurious box?
Zack: He molted in the middle of a chapter from eating too many vitamins.
Lowtax:: This is all coming together now... I see the big picture... and it's just as stupid as the smaller ones.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.