Zack: I don't know if you can read the text, but the title of this drawing is, "Bad Ideas We Plan to Remove from the Game"
Steve: Nothing gets me excited about future wars like Benjamin Franklin and a lizard on a leash.
Zack: Also apparently in the grim darkness of the far future there is no depth perception.
Steve: But that's okay because there are still Renaissance Festivals.
Zack: Feel free to bring your pet lizard!
Steve: His name is Bosco and he likes to eat peppers!
Zack: Of course, what sort of awesome picture can you really expect when the game looks like this?
Steve: Autumn. Oatmeal Can City. War has arrived.
Zack: Back in those days everyone was playing their games in the hallways of shopping malls.
Steve: This was probably at some hotel conference area. Whatever bog people version of Holiday Inn they have in England.
Zack: Games Day 1986, to be held in the lobby of Her Majesty's Motor Lodge of Hull. That year's tournament winner was playing with a 600-point Zoats and Clams list with a robot heavy contingent and graviton guns across the board.
Steve: "Ello governor, used a box of GI Joes, mate. Called them mutants, I did!"
Zack: Talking to you is like a training simulator for severe brain damage.
Steve: "Cheerio love better brush up on your living will!"
When I try to clear the ball, run into me at a thousand miles per hour, sending me flying halfway across the map. If the ball is coming down in front of the opposing goal and I'm in position to tap it in, run into me at a thousand miles per hour. Never stop slamming into me at a thousand miles per hour, unless you can slam into me even faster.
eSports are getting more attention, but these new non-nerd spectators have no idea what's going happening. Help them understand how and why you've decided to waste your life with these simple approaches.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.