Steve: Yo, this is OG D&D style right here. Name randomly jammed in there and ridiculous old lady with no pants riding a horse.
Zack: Somebody, presumably a human, looked at this image and said, "Yes, that's good. Let's put it in the front of our book."
Steve: Maybe that sort of quality control explains why there are multiple pages of naval combat rules and minimal character creation information.
Zack: Poor quality control can't explain why they decided to devote nearly an entire page to egotistical swords.
Steve: "Yeah, I had a pretty sweet sword until it made me find some weakass punk and then it gave itself to him."
Zack: Magic sword divas get a page, describing clerics gets one paragraph.
Steve: Actually, that sounds about right. Boring church people vs. magical swords that talk and scheme against you. My bad, Gygax.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.