~THE RIFTIEST~

"Tyroni Rexu"

By Little Miss Teapot

Random Oni Table Rolls

48 Broad, muscular human.
13 Lion/cat; +2 horror factor
17 Bulbous nose three times larger than a normal human.
76 Normal human eyes.
43 Large monkey-like mouth filled with sharp teeth and large fangs. 3D6 M.D. from bite.
68 Squirrel or rat-like in shape and length, short and spindly with
small articulated hands and fingers. 1D4 M.D.
44 Classic oni: upper legs are powerfully built, lower legs a bit thin. Feet have two large, clawed toes. 6D6+10 speed attribute.
66 Boils or scabs cover the body. Add 25 to M.D.C.
67 Light Blue

Description: Tyroni Rexu is the epitome of overcompensation. Born with strong, muscular legs, a mouth full of fangs, and dinky little arms incapable of reaching past his knees, Tyroni Rexu dedicated his life to improving his self image and trying to score with women way out of his league. Tyroni Rexu can most often be found trolling the beaches, hitting on beautiful women adventurers and asking them if they're impressed by his guns.

The missiles are actually non-functional and just for show, which is a good thing for Tyroni Rexu, since he's situated the majority of them around vital areas of his boil-ridden body.


The Verdict

Steve: This is the worst summer ever!

Zack: Thanks to the Charles Atlas Power Suit this 98 pound rotten hog man weakling was able to kick sand all over the beautiful woman on the beach and there was nothing her buff beau could do!

Steve: Her boyfriend only inflicts SDC damage.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.