|Henchman Status Update (2 of 6)|
|The status of Grenade Launcher Ocelot has been changed from ACTIVE to DECEASED.|
|Name: Hauser, Joshua (DECEASED)|
Codename(s): Grenade Launcher Ocelot
Join Date: 3-16-02
Primary Role: Vanguard Trooper
Secondary Role: Grenading
Specialties: Fully certified on the A-34 assault gun, Pfester Vulcan Gatling Grenade Cannon, Assad Boomerang Charges, and Bell Laboratories Nuder. Licensed Chauffeur.
Availability: On Hire (hire)
Average Customer Rating: (rate)
|Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:|
Grenade Launcher Ocelot was assigned to man the grenade turret on top of the airborne command center. He was distracted by a thrown coin and then strangled with nylon cable by a T.E.A.M. agent. He was kicked in the sternum off a railing and his unconscious body was used as a counterweight by his assailant. At the height of the assailant's assent, the T.E.A.M. agent cut the nylon cable being used to strangle Grenade Launcher Ocelot, which caused Grenade Launcher Ocelot to fall 73 feet to his death. Unaffiliated medical personnel attempted to revive him, but (more)
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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