So what can WE do to help clean up the world? Here's some simple and easy steps children of all ages can do to make sure that you don't find bales of asphyxiated babies on your doorstep in the following months:
Protest the opening of ANY industrial plants! Urge your mommy and daddy to take off time from work so you may picket any new companies that open. No matter what they produce, from oatmeal to corn starch, these companies dump hundreds of gallons of toxic sludge into our drinking water supplies every day! If you don't go out and protest now, you may just feel a bit guilty when you go to drink a glass of water after school tomorrow and find yourself vomiting up your precious internal organs.
Learn the art of undetected motion. This way you will be able to infiltrate the enemy's science labs later in your life. Do not try breaking into any company's offices until you are at least 14.
Instead of defiling our water supply by peeing into the toilet, urinate into a bag of charcoal every day. Charcoal is nature's filtration system and will weed out all those poisonous chemicals your body produces. Do not bother telling your parents you've been peeing on the charcoal because if they're cooking meat, they deserve pee-tainted food.
Do not trust anybody who works in a business. They are all liars and do not want you to think for yourself! Instead, come to Kid's Korner and read up all about how they're trying to use and abuse you for their own evil purposes.