The Native Americans were so concerned with never harming any creatures of Mother Earth that they lived on a diet consisting solely of rocks, dirt, and air. They were able to transcend the bloodlust that infected the pioneers.
Unfortunately, being so kind and loving came with a price. The settlers, sensing a weakness in the Native Americans, let their primal hatred take over.
The pioneers would shoot their cannons into the Native Americans' faces and then steal their land so they could simply light it on fire and move away. Settlers believed that any land touched by Native Americans should be burned to the ground.
Cut to today: nuclear power plants and industrial chemical factories are spewing poisonous death into the air every second, killing millions of babies and seals. Their stranglehold on the economy ensures no governments will interfere with their reign of terror. This is where you and I come in!
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
Finding the right hat can feel like walking through a minefield for guys. Did a murderer wear your hat? Was it ruined by bros? Are you just an idiot? Find out with our authoritative ranking of bad hats.
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