You wait in your apartment until Keith leaves. He usually walks to the DairyMart on the corner for beef jerky, so you don't have much time. That scene in The Godfather with the horse head was pretty memorable. Keith will get the message of a dead dog: Vote Obama. Alright, he's out of sight. What does a murderer wear? You try to get your best Dexter outfit: gloves and a tight shirt. Well, the only tight shirt you own is that size medium Threadless shirt with the Pirate Ninja on it. Dangerous and funny at the same time
Hmm. Locked. You try running against his door a few times. This shit is hard. By the barks coming from the inside, the dog is mad, but you're going to choke that bitch out. You eventually manage to bust the door open. Your rage is phenomenal. Time to kill that dog. "Come here doggy, doggy, doggy." You get blindsided by the beast as it sinks its ugly-ass dogteeth into you. You throw it off and try to put it in the sleeper hold, but it seems ineffective. The dog knocks you over and pins you against the wall.Blood spills onto your t-shirt. You scream for help and napkins, but no one answers. That shirt was a limited print too.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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