Barbarian II (1991)



Zack: Hey, baby.

Steve: Whoa!

Zack: Game covers just don't hand out boners like this anymore.

Steve: I would totally be cool with what that babe's hair looks like in the morning all stuck to her face with drool.

Zack: I think this might be a barbarian dating sim. "Uggyar, we never go out. What showing at Cyclops Cave?" "Look like Cyclops just open. Want slay seven o'clock show then get bite?"

Steve: Your barbarians sound like cavemen.

Zack: They don't look like they really did much work to kill that cyclops. Maybe they just found him dead like that and decided to pose.

Steve: No way, barbarians are like spiders. They don't mess around with dead things.

Zack: What about dead monsters?

Steve: They might mess around with a dead monster's skeleton, like to get a key inside its skull or gems or something, but only under the assumption that it's magical and could come to life at any moment. Then they would have to fight it.

Zack: What if it was the skeleton of a dead barbarian?

Steve: Barbarian ancestor skeleton? Those are always coming to life. They're basically the number one most dangerous skeleton. Maybe number two behind dragon skeletons, but only barely.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.