I don't care what "human dog (m)" does as long as he doesn't divulge that Beggin' Strips are, in fact, not bacon.

The last time I got fucked by food was when I was charged nearly six bucks for a sandwich at Subway.

This one feels like something that was typed hastily on a library computer.

Tips for cleaning rugs are also appreciated.

Hypnotizing people for sex is probably how a lot of hypnotists got interested to begin with. I thought of that when I saw some hypnotist guy at the county fair and he looked like this guy in high school that used to walk around the locker room naked while we were changing into gym clothes which didn't really help his case.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.